Monday, February 06, 2012

I've Raised a Family of Professional Magicians

It's true.
Every one of my children is a magician.
I don't know where they get this ability - it's something that they have intuited, and then honed into a keen skill. Like how to fix computers - I think their brains are wired differently now. Now granted some of my children (well one of them anyway) does not live at home anymore, and then the oldest, who is 27, really is a grown man, and not a child.
Oh but he had his moments too.
They all did, or do.
How they have become magicians I still wonder about because certainly they possess more skill than I ever had. I was skilled at certain things, but they've really become quite adept.
What kind of magic tricks can they do?
Well let's see, first there's:

1. Their ability to escape any bonds of punishment.
Tell them they can't leave the house, and what do you know, hours later they've gone off somewhere with friends.

2. Their innate belief that you, their parent, have the ability to pull a rabbit (or flying squirrel, what have you) out of a hat. An example? It's Sunday night, and they suddenly realize that they: (choose appropriate answer) a. have to complete a project with 10,000 sugar cubes; b. write a five page paper and they need books from the library that, oh by the way is closed on Sundays; c. buy craft supplies from a store that closed two hours ago; d. need 2 dozen cupcakes for a class party the next morning; e. _____________ (fill in the blank). I would usually call this something much more vulgar, using the phrase about pulling the required object from my nether-regions, but you get the idea.

3. The ability to hypnotize. You know what I'm talking about with this one - it's when they convince you to buy something, go somewhere, or do something that you had said you, or they, would not/could not do. Refer to ability #1.

4. The disappearing child act. I need help with the laundry? Wait, where are the kids? The dogs need to go out? I'm suddenly alone in the room. I used to be able to perform this trick very well when it was time to do the dishes, but my children make me look like an amateur.

5. And last, but not least, the slight of hand. I never carry cash, but somehow they can sense when I have it, and's gone! How do they do it? Twenty dollars goes into my pocket, and then Poof! it's gone!
Are your children magicians? Were you?

No comments: