Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Northern Virginia Barbie Dolls

This is too funny.
And it's a joke, folks.
If you don't like it, stop reading now.

Mattel recently announced the release of limited-edition Barbie Dolls
for Northern Virginia areas.

Loudoun County Barbie
This princess Barbie is sold only at the Dulles Town Center or Tysons
Corner II. She comes with an assortment of Louis Vuitton Handbags, a
brand new Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a way
overpriced house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift.
Workaholic Ken in High Tech/Attorney/CPA/M.D. attire sold only in
conjunction with the augmented Barbie version.

Fairfax County Barbie
The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar
Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time
occupation. She's currently taking Spanish lessons to get along with her
neighbors. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.

Manassas Park Barbie
This recently paroled Barbie comes in overalls or Wal-Mart sweat suit
with racing strip and "Too Cute" embroidered on front. Accessories
include a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark tinted
windows, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and
must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills)...unless
you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.

McLean Barbie
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer
H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club
membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private
School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.

Woodbridge Barbie
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too
small, a NASCAR t-shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has
a six-pack of Bud light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit
over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she is drunk.
Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper
sticker absolutely free.

Ashburn Barbie
This Botox Barbie comes dressed to impress in leopard print pants and
bleached blonde hair. She comes ready to party with a cosmopolitan in
her right hand and a bottle of Valium in her left. Overpriced condo sold

Dumfries Trailer Home Barbie
This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own
high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased
beer-gutted Ken out of Warrior Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes
low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through
halter-top. Also available with a mobile home.

Dupont Circle Barbie
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair,
arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white
socks. She prefers that you call her Willow . She does not want or need
a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Cloverdale Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.

Route 1 Barbie
This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional
accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy
were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of
the infant.

Thanks to Tracy for this.

1 comment:

Angelika said...

Aren't those dolls funny, but oh so true. I see a couple of those walking around town here too. :)