I received this from my friend Pony. It's a pretty funny joke - and even funnier if you think about actually going to a Wal-Mart store and doing these things:
Dear Mrs. Fenton, Over the past six months, your husband, Mr. Bill Fenton has beencausing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this type ofbehavior and have considered banning the entire family from shopping inany of ourstores. We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment.Three ofour clerks are attending counseling from the trouble yourhusband has caused. All complaints against Mr. Fenton have been compiled and arelisted below.
Mr. Wally SmithPresident and CEO of Wal-Mart Complaint Department
MEMO Re: Mr. Bill Fenton - Complaints - 15 Documented Incidents
Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his spouse/partner is shopping:
1. July 1: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leadingto the rest rooms. Security thought it was blood and called an ambulance.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares..... and watched what happened.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department andtold other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'd bring pillows from the bedding department. Strangely enough, 15 people moved in with him.
8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, hebegins to cry and asks, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera, used itas a mirror, and picked his nose.
10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knew where the antidepressants are.
11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously ~ loudly humming the "Dragnet" theme.
12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna-look" using different size funnels.
13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsedthrough, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loudspeaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"
(And; last, but not least!)
15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, locked the door and waited a while; then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!" He refused to unlock the door when Security arrived.