There was a pod next to my bed this morning

We're in the middle of changing our ISP, so unfortunately my capability to blog is hindered.
The situation will be rectified tonight, so I will be back with more snarky comments, mediocre knitting, pictures of sexy men, and news about my chocolate binges.
Tschuss!

Some things are too funny not to share

I'm sorry, but this is just too funny to pass up, so I must share!
J. Harvey from A Socialite's Life is just too hilarious!
And clever!
In a post entitled "Howard K. Stern is sitting in the passenger side of his best friends ride trying to holla at me" he writes:

God, what a boll weevil this man is. Howard K. Stern admitted on the stand yesterday that Anna Nicole paid for everything.

"Under grilling from lawyers and Judge Seidlin, Stern admitted that Smith paid the $950 rent on his apartment, and that she gave him cash to buy personal items such as shoes."

But wasn't he her "lawyer"? Couldn't he have billed for that? Shoes? You let your woman buy you shoes? I mean, I've been a kept man before, but at least I got a cover job down at the Dairy Queen so no one could say anything. And I pretended that I was able to afford my Coach flip-flops because I was slaving away over the crunch coat and making bitches the perfect Blizzard. Now, you're up on the stand admitting to everyone that some high bitch kept you as a flunkie and made you her man-servant and bought you a pair of Payless once in awhile to give you the impression you were earning your keep. Good lord, you define "sniveling".

Is that not the funniest thing you've ever read?
A cover job down at the Dairy Queen...I'm still laughing...

Things are looking up

For one thing, it's Thursday.
Tomorrow is Friday! Yea!
DN1 came out of the hospital yesterday afternoon, and in response to queries about why she was admitted, unfortunately she does not want to be known as a poster child for a piercing gone bad.
But I think she may become one anyway.
So let it be said that if you get things pierced (like ear cartilage), infections can happen.
Thanks for all your concern, now she's back to her manic life and catching up on schoolwork.
And as DH brought her home yesterday afternoon, we spent the first part of the evening eating crappy Chinese food (and not from the place that tried to blow up the block with gasoline) but another restaurant.
As an aside I have come to the conclusion that there is no such thing as "good" Chinese food in this area.
While we were eating our Chinese we watched this that came in the mail yesterday from Amazon:
I enjoyed it, and at this point when I watch a Christopher Guest film it's like watching a group of good friends entertain you, and you look at who they were in other movies and who they are playing in the new one. Somehow that doesn't sound as eloquent as I'd like it to, but I think you know what I mean. It's all good.
After it was done I went upstairs to watch some tv and knit but got distracted by watching this:
It was pretty damn motivating, and I loved watching the footage from Quantico and thinking about running on those trails.
I miss them.
Oh, and Rick, I thought about you as I saw the DIs pushing the Candidates through the Quigley - they should have filmed you doing that, because I know you are a true ball buster.

Sometimes it takes more than chocolate

My cold is still lingering but winding down, DN2 is just about over her cold and flu and is finally back to sleeping almost normally, but DN1 still sits in a hospital bed.
Hopefully she'll be out today, but if a doctor comes in at 0630 and tells you the swelling is not going down the way they expected and they'll have to figure another course of action, you can bet your sweet bippy she'll be in that damn bed for another day.
None of us are loving it.
Every class and lab she misses puts her that much farther behind and I have a presentation to prepare for class on Monday which I haven't even started yet.
Anyway, I did buy this last night at the drug store on our way back home from the hospital:
Yes, sometimes it does take more than chocolate, but I'll start with this and let you know if I need something stronger.

P.S. Does anyone else notice that my photography skills totally suck when taking a picture of what's inside my handbag, but when it comes to photographing a bag of chocolate crunchiness the picture is completely clear and in focus? Amazing.

I'm channeling Monty Hall

Some people think I carry too much stuff around.
My kids do.
And my DH does too.
But really, I don't think I carry all that much around in my handbag.
Take a look at this.
Does it look full?
Yes, it is.
Does it look heavy?
Well, yes it is.
But move the knitting and it's not so bad.
Also, if you need something, by golly I've got it.
Last night we were visiting DN1 who is currently in the hospital (long story, can't violate HIPAA regulations, but let's hope she's out soon).
(Which hospital? The one that rhymes with Wrong, right Jean and Sheri?)
Anyway, you know how food is in a hospital, not exactly haute cuisine.
So before we left I knew she'd be sitting there by herself feeling like crap so I asked her if she wanted something, like a chocolate bar.
She said sure, so I began to dig.
And my family sat there amazed at everything that came out of my bag.
This is some of what is in the main compartment:
And these are some of the things in the small pocket on the inside:

(Kat, you'll appreciate the MCRA Life Member pin - who knows how that got in there, or how long it's been in there.)
And sorry for the blurry photos, apparently the DTs are kicking in.
And for those who asked (Major Knitter and Angelika), believe it or not the yarn I'm using for Rachael's Good Ole' Cabled Scarf is charcoal - I think the light hit it funny and it looked blue. But here it is in all its blurry glory:

Please note the Lantern Moon needles, received as a gift from the lovely Major Knitter 2 years ago.
So anyway, back to my bag.
Why do I carry so much stuff?
I guess I watched too many episodes of Let's Make a Deal when I was younger.
I'll be ready if anyone ever says, "I'll give $500 to anyone who has a spoon in their handbag."
Will you?

This algorithm was obviously not developed by Charlie from "Numb3rs"

I was checking out the Little Professor's blog and she noted that this Gender Genie continued to think that, based upon her writing, she was a he.
So I decided to check it out myself.
And look at what it said:

Words: 54

(NOTE: The genie works best on texts of more than 500 words.) -- (My note -- yeah, yeah, whatever)

Female Score: 108
Male Score: 135

The Gender Genie thinks the author of this passage is: male!

Just for clarification, I used my previous post wherein I called myself a girl and discussed a threesome with two men!!
And knitting!
Hello!!!
Your algorithm sucks.
Where's Charlie?

What provides comfort

Can you tell me what these three items have in common?

They are all items to provide me comfort since I am beginning to get a cold.
What better way to spend a Sunday but in bed with your knitting and Ioann Gruffudd and Robert Lindsay.
Well, it's not quite a threesome since they're on tv, but a girl can always hope, right?

Look what I have

See what I have here.
A jar of recalled peanut butter.
Guess I'll turn it in and get some money back for it.
But I really wanted the peanut butter.
Damn that Salmonella.

A Classic

Last night was cold.
What do you do on a night when you shouldn't be out driving?
Go to the video store.
Of course.
So I rented a classic.
Something I haven't seen in Years!
But I wanted to see it again, just because.
And I told SN2 that it wasn't a great movie, and it's really only good until about halfway through.
Not true.
And he called me on that too.
He said, "Mom, why did you say this was only good until halfway through?"
I responded, "Because it's been a long time since I've seen it. Excuse my memory lapse."
My sense of humor has apparently changed - and I'm glad to see that he enjoys some of the crazy, stupid, warped things that I do.
What was the classic?
Take off, hoser, if you don't know this one, eh.

Snow Day!

Snow, glorious snow.
And I'm off to work.
But I thought you might like to see what I had to pull my car out into this morning (and what the backyard looks like).
These photos were taken at 7:45 - it's going to be much worse.
And to all my friends who live in the South and insist on telling me about their temperatures - stop it.
I get the point. ^_^
But -- tell your kids that mine don't have school today.
They may be asking you to move!
Enjoy and be safe.

It's coming tonight

Snow.
Big snow.
For us, at least.
In the Oswego area they've reached over 12 feet.
Amazing.
We're just expected to get between 5 to 8 inches tonight and tomorrow between 8 and 12.
A mere pittance, right?
I'm looking forward to it.

Looking out and looking in

What you see when you look out the windows of my house:


What you would have seen on Sunday if you had been looking in:








Some of my cousins came to tea.
Along with my mother and one of my aunts.
With our family when you tell them what time it will end, it will always be exceeded by at least an hour.
I belong to a family of talkers.
And there were a lot of them present yesterday.
Which is great, because I really enjoy their company.
We'll definitely be doing this again.

It doesn't take much thought

When you wake up to this:


You have to buy this:

Why I Read the Police Blotter

Here's a police report from an incident that occurred in town on January 26:

Police and Fire Department personnel responded to a report of strange odors in two Main Street businesses at about 4 p.m. Emergency responders discovered that the occupants of the business at XX Main Street had been attempting to fill a kerosene powered heater with gasoline, and further, a natural gas leak existed in the same building. Had the callers not notified emergency services, and quick-thinking responders not identified the problem, a serious explosion may have resulted. Police arrested Johnny X., owner of the Kitchen Express, on charges of Reckless Endangerment, 2nd Degree, and Reckless Endangerment of Property, both Misdemeanors. Johnny X. was issued an appearance ticket returnable to the Town Court, and the building was red-tagged by Code Enforcement.

Are you just as horrified as I am?
Okay, well since you don't know where I live, let me set the scenario: this particular restaurant is in the middle of a block containing approximately 10 businesses with apartments and a dance studio above. Typical old town-style buildings.
This guy is an idiot!
And I went into the pizza place on Monday that is two doors down from this restaurant and he said they could smell the gasoline in there!
I still can't get over these actions by a future Darwin Award nominee, so I figured I would share.

Northern Virginia Barbie Dolls

This is too funny.
And it's a joke, folks.
If you don't like it, stop reading now.

Mattel recently announced the release of limited-edition Barbie Dolls
for Northern Virginia areas.

Loudoun County Barbie
This princess Barbie is sold only at the Dulles Town Center or Tysons
Corner II. She comes with an assortment of Louis Vuitton Handbags, a
brand new Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a way
overpriced house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift.
Workaholic Ken in High Tech/Attorney/CPA/M.D. attire sold only in
conjunction with the augmented Barbie version.

Fairfax County Barbie
The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar
Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time
occupation. She's currently taking Spanish lessons to get along with her
neighbors. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.

Manassas Park Barbie
This recently paroled Barbie comes in overalls or Wal-Mart sweat suit
with racing strip and "Too Cute" embroidered on front. Accessories
include a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark tinted
windows, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and
must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills)...unless
you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.

McLean Barbie
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer
H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club
membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private
School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.

Woodbridge Barbie
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too
small, a NASCAR t-shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has
a six-pack of Bud light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit
over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she is drunk.
Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper
sticker absolutely free.

Ashburn Barbie
This Botox Barbie comes dressed to impress in leopard print pants and
bleached blonde hair. She comes ready to party with a cosmopolitan in
her right hand and a bottle of Valium in her left. Overpriced condo sold
separately.

Dumfries Trailer Home Barbie
This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own
high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased
beer-gutted Ken out of Warrior Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes
low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through
halter-top. Also available with a mobile home.

Dupont Circle Barbie
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair,
arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white
socks. She prefers that you call her Willow . She does not want or need
a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Cloverdale Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.

Route 1 Barbie
This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional
accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy
were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of
the infant.

Thanks to Tracy for this.

What The Clash know

"The ice age is coming, the sun's zooming in
Meltdown expected, the wheat is growing thin
Engines stop running, but I have no fear
Cause London is burning and I, I live by the river"

Okay, actually I live by a canal and a lake, but yes, the ice age is here.
I would have posted over the weekend, but it's too damn cold to do much of anything.
Winter brings out the best in all of us - at least the part that is prone to hibernation.
And don't ask me about the Super Bowl - I didn't watch it.
Sorry.
I watched a movie and knit on my hat instead.
And charged my camera battery.
Soon there will be pictures to accompany my inane chatter.
Yippee!
Bundle up, kiddles!

Oh to be in Punxsutawney

It's Groundhog Day.
A day for monumental things to happen.
First and foremost, will the shadow be seen or not?
I know this is a day we always use to predict the remaining length of winter, but it has always seemed to me that we're going to have another 6 weeks of it (at least) regardless of what Phil and his progeny see.
So you can be entertained and watch the irascible Bill Murray relive his life over and over.
Did you ever think about how long a period of time he was there repeating the day? Long enough to learn how to play piano and do many other things to a high level of proficiency. My prediction: it had to be about 3 years.
When I went to SNCO Academy in '93, this movie came out and it prompted many discussions about which day you could live over and over, if you had a choice.
I think it's hard to chose, and sometimes not even necessary.
As Freak says, "You don't need a time machine if you know how to remember."